Wellness is what you do. Well-being is how your life feels.

The wellness era was cute, until it wasn’t

And for those of us who want to feel better, we don’t know where to start. Or worse, we end up doing performative wellness instead of real well-being, things that look good but don’t actually make us feel good. Maybe it’s time to talk less about wellness, and more about well-being.

Wellness vs well-being

The Cambridge Dictionary says wellness is “the state of being healthy, especially when it is something that you actively try to achieve.”

Key word: try. Wellness takes visible effort you can track. It’s the 80oz of water a day. The 10,000 steps. The eight hours of sleep, tracked, of course. And hey, that’s not a bad thing. But it’s not the whole story.

Well-being, on the other hand, is “the state of being healthy and happy.” That’s it. It’s not just how your body functions, it’s how your body and your life feel when the way you live actually supports you.

Here’s the difference:

• Wellness says: “Track it, hack it, optimize it.”

• Well-being asks: “Are you truly okay?” “Is this sustainable for you?” “Do you recognize yourself in the way you're living?”

You can hit your macros, close your rings, and still feel miserable. That’s the problem. 

The wellness trap: optimization that kills joy

The wellness trap: when you optimize so hard, it backfires. Let me explain. I love Apple Health. Love the data, love the graphs, love seeing how things connect. And after learning how foundational sleep is, I made it a goal to hit my full nine hours a night. Don’t come for me, my body’s a heavy sleeper, okay?

But I started putting so much pressure on myself to sleep well that I started… not sleeping. I’d lie in bed thinking, “If I fall asleep right now I’ll get 7 hours and 52 minutes,” and then spiral from there. Don’t believe me? Science calls this orthosomnia, where the anxiety of monitoring a biological process can actually disrupt it.

That’s the trap. When wellness becomes performative, it stops helping. It starts hurting. Now don’t get me wrong: tracking can be useful. It can help you understand your body better and spot patterns you’d otherwise miss. But if you’re so busy tracking your sleep that you’re losing sleep? That’s a red flag.

You’re supposed to live your life. Not just measure it.

Imagine this: You're hitting every fitness goal, but you feel disconnected in your relationships and can’t remember the last time you laughed genuinely. Would you say you’re thriving? On the wellness scale, you might score high. But on the well-being scale? Not so much.

When wellness starts to matter

Wellness becomes well-being when you focus less on the "what" and more on what all those habits are doing for you. Things like peace, purpose, connection, and most importantly, joy.

Ask yourself:

• Does my life excite me or am I just too busy?

• What parts of my routines actually bring me joy?

• Who am I becoming through these habits?

Do you have to pick one?

Good news: you don’t. Wellness and well-being aren’t rivals. They’re teammates. One supports the other. Wellness habits can fuel well-being, and a sense of well-being can inspire better habits. It’s a cycle, but the healthy kind. Think about it:

• Eating food that nourishes you (wellness) gives you more energy and lifts your mood (well-being).

• Choosing workouts that leave you smiling, not limping (wellness) makes you want to move more often (well-being).

• Spending time with people who get you (wellness) helps you feel supported and connected (well-being).

The goal is to feel good and do good things for yourself.

You don’t need to be the healthiest person alive. You just need to feel alive.

That’s the shift I’m making lately. Less pressure to perfect my routines, more intention behind how I actually feel. I want energy to show up in my life, not just my workouts. I want relationships that fill me up, food that fuels me and tastes good, mornings that start with meaning, not just hurry. Wellness still matters. But it’s not the finish line. It’s the foundation. And what we build on top? That’s where well-being lives.

So what’s helping you feel alive right now? I’d love to know.